24 at War

Hello beautiful souls! It has been a minute since I have written a blog post. I have been so busy with this transition back to work. So much has happened, but I am getting through everything. Facebook and Twitter, mainly Twitter have been my go to outlets for the rollercoaster I have been on for a few days.

The summer was my time to get my life in FOR-MA-TION. Shoutout to Beyoncé LOL. But I really needed to get it together. Summer went by so fast, that I didn’t get everything I wanted accomplished. There I go again, letting time pass by and me getting nothing done. Nights I could have stayed up working, I didn’t. Days I decided to sleep in, I could have up been working. Spending money on random things I know I didn’t have the money for, I could have invested in  my business. But at 24, I need that balance. In order to function, I need to sleep in and spend money on random activities. I sometimes admire those people who “work work work work work” *in my Rhianna voice* and get no sleep. That’s how hungry they are for the money. And as much as I don’t want to clock in no one else’s hours but mine, I need that drive for myself.

Summer wasn’t a total bust. I spent a lot of time thinking. I literally have to have a plan A-Z because you never know what is going to happen. It was either work or go back to school because whatever I was doing wasn’t working. That was my entire thought process for the summer. The I.M.A.N.I. Project humbled me. The fact that my business can actually work out if someone takes a chance on me snapped me back to reality. It’s good that I have options, but I seriously need to be more patient. That is something I am working on and can say, I see a difference in myself.

So where am I at now? I am trying to get my business off of the ground. I am not really feeling how my employers are running their program. But I love the school site that I am at, and I want to continue to be apart of their team. Til this day, I am still working part time. No matter what job I get, it manages to be part time. I have to work 30 jobs in order to make ends meet and work in the field I want to work in. That shouldn’t be the case for any graduate. And yet, people I know have graduated college working long hours at jobs that have nothing to do with their field, or those working in their field but have part time positions and hustling. Why is it that we pay so much for a piece of paper to enter a workforce who determines our qualifications as entry level? I can’t speak for everyone but I know for a fact, I am not the only one who sees a Bachelor’s Degree as a High School Diploma. Where they do that at? I busted my butt to be right where I started my freshman year of college? Nawww playa! I refuse to settle.

I am thankful for my job helping with the connections to get me where I want to be. But I still feel stuck. PATIENCE is KEY. Sometimes I just need to let out my frustrations, so excuse my rant. It’s just that on top of everything, the United States is just pissing me off! The world really needs to have several seats. But I’ll save that for another blog post. Naw, I have to smash for a second. Seriously, being a young black woman in America today, and trying to make it by being different is difficult. It definitely adds to my everyday struggle of just being me. I often think, if I am trying to save these kids, who is trying to save me? In the words of my favorite girl group Xscape, “Who can I run to when I need love.” In this whack ass world we live in, who has my back? Our back? The government? Hell Nahhh! We see who is running for office. We are doomed! How can I teach my kids how to become successful when I am still trying to find that out my damn self. Cold World.

I really feel that I am 24 at war. The fight within myself to be better, the fight to hold onto and figure out who I am becoming, the fight with the workforce to get paid enough to maintain a good lifestyle, the fight with community institutions not giving our youth the support they need to become successful, and the government killing off my people one by one like it’s target practice. Making it that much harder for my kings and queens to succeed. And yet they tell us to go to school so we can get a good job and work for someone. I’ll pass! I’ll work for someone while working for myself. With a division in the nation that we can’t make our way out of because of HIStory. Not OURstory. I am tired of fighting and proving myself.  But the passion I have tself rethese kids help shape our country the way it should be…EQUAL! That’s a war I’m willing to fight and continue fighting.