I almost gave up. I thought I had lost the fight within myself. “Don’t give up. You’re a warrior” my dad always says. That’s really all the motivation I need. I keep thinking I am supposed to have everything together because I’m near my mid 20s and life is supposed to be peachy. Well… the universe doesn’t work out that way. It’s true, you have to work hard to get what you want. Nothing is going to be handed to you. But, if you have worked your butt off and continue to land exactly where you started, what does that say? What does that mean? I have definitely came to the conclusion that I have similar characteristics to “Lynn” on Girlfriends. I seriously watch this show to much, but it’s one of my favorites. Ya’ll remember, the light skinned, free spirited, coach surfing, sexually liberated, had sooo many degrees she didn’t believe in getting a job.
Besides those characteristics, her main issue was not committing to a job. Opposite from Lynn having many degrees, I have had numerous amounts of jobs. Lynn was afraid of being an actual working class citizen due to her beliefs and morals about the corp world. Of course she had jobs here and there that were meaningless and she found her true passion of making documentaries and later on doing music. Now… how that all relates to me is that I know that in reality I am going to jump through hoops until I find out what I want to do in life. Like Lynn, I take on many jobs because I haven’t found that “IT” job plus I don’t have my own youth program yet. Playing around with the idea of going back to school has gotten serious to the fact I’m literally back at square one. I didn’t plan on going back to school, at all. But in my opinion, I haven’t seen much progress over the years. Some, just not as much as I expected. Don’t get me wrong, I am doing amazing things in different communities with youth. I am spreading my love of working with kids and teaching them life skills throughout the Bay Area, but I am still not fully satisfied. It could be the feeling of failure of trying to involve people in doing projects, and it end up being all talk. It could be me feeling that I get under paid for the work that I do. It could be the fact that I need a change of scenery. Try something new. So I continue to get jobs and network with people but after today, I am going to step it up and really get involved in the community. The Bay Area has so much that you can be apart of and I am missing out on the opportunities. I have to make my dreams come true, no one else can do that but me. And I will do it at my pace. Just because I am in my 20s, doesn’t mean I have to have it all together. I’m thankful for the things and opportunities I’ve had being in my 20s. Shoot, I still have years to go. I am exploring. So I sure can hop from job to job until I feel my work is appreciated with a nice compensation and I enjoy what I do. My new job is amazing and I am definitely making a difference. And I will continue to do so until I find exactly where I belong. Of course it’s going to be working with kids, but I need something on a different level.